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Internet Gutter YouTube beef hold the meat

first_imgThe internet is a strange and terrifying place. It’s enabled us to connect with one another, advance the causes of science and culture, and unite the world with a glowing net of data. It’s also enabled people with very… particular interests to find each other online. In this new ongoing series, we’ll be dipping into the Internet Gutter – the strange subcultures and weird worlds lurking in the dark pockets of the World Wide Web.YouTube VegansWe’re not going to cast aspersions on any dietary philosophy here. Lord knows we don’t eat like we should in a world swimming in delicious junk food. But we’re also not going to tell other people that they need to eat like we do.That’s where the YouTube vegans come in. If you saw Scott Pilgrim, you remember the third evil ex, a smug bass player who gets telekinetic powers from his cruelty-free diet. Here’s the thing: for these weirdos, that movie was a documentary. They honestly believe that vegans are advanced life forms.And if there’s one thing these vegans love more than feeling superior over their diets, it’s getting in fights with each other. The YouTube vegan world is a seething pit of jealousy, envy, and all-out hatred, with whip-thin maniacs issuing terrifying rants at each other over the tiniest slights. Let’s take a tour of the leading lights of this meat-free mess.Freelee The Banana GirlEasily the queen of vegan YouTube pot-stirrers is Australian model Leanne “Freelee” Ratcliffe, who earned her sobriquet by allegedly consuming 51 bananas a day. No, we have no idea how she goes to the bathroom either. Along with her boyfriend Harley Johnstone, who goes by “Durianrider” after what may be the stinkiest fruit on Earth, Freelee updates her vlog on the daily with demented screeds about everybody she sees as a threat to her vegan fitness empire.To say that Freelee’s views are a little harsh is an understatement. In 2012 she released a video claiming that fat people blocked the stairways in the World Trade Center on 9/11, causing skinny people to die. She then gave an interview with the Daily Mail stating that any non-vegans should be put to death to save the planet.Sorsha MoravaOne of Freelee’s most notorious hangers-on, Sorsha is legendary for her completely insane, circular arguments against meat eating. Let’s be clear: there are plenty of environmental and health reasons to not consume animal flesh or products, and that’s fine. But when you’re trying to argue that anybody who isn’t a vegan is racist, you’re pushing into some pretty bizarre and ignorant territory.Needless to say, making this comparison didn’t work out all too well for Sorsha, who had to release a number of clarification and explanation videos to try and explain her (pretty bad and dumb) argument.The Vegan CheetahOne thing you can depend on with YouTube is that if there’s drama, there are going to be people capitalizing on that drama. One of the most hated vegans on the site is a dude who goes by The Vegan Cheetah, who has positioned himself as one of Freelee’s most hated enemies. His videos were full of scurrilous gossip about Freelee and other big-name personalities, and whether they were true or not is anybody’s guess.As of press time, Freelee had managed to get the Cheetah’s main channel deleted with a (possibly fraudulent) copyright infringement report, so the YouTube vegan community is awash with reaction videos crapping on both sides equally. It’s only a matter of time before he pops his head up again and starts pissing easily-angered vegans off again.Vegan GainsIf you’re into bodybuilding, you probably require a great deal of protein in your diet. And the easiest place to get said protein is animal products. But if you’re Richard “Vegan Gains” Burgess, that’s not going to happen. Showing the world that they can get swole animal-free isn’t a bad thing by any means, but the insane levels of histrionic drama that Burgess brings to his channel are off the charts.Videos like “I Am A Violent Vegan” and “Who Am I Going To Kill” feature this lunatic posing with knives, talking about how he wants to murder meat-eaters, and belching a lot. One side effect of a vegan diet is a serious increase in intestinal gas, and this dude lets loose the burps with aplomb in between death threats.John SakarsNot all vegans use interminable rant videos to prove their point about why you shouldn’t enjoy cheese ever again. Some of them express their love of a meat-free lifestyle through song, and that’s almost worse. John Sakars is a regular feature on the /r/Cringe subreddit for his brutally embarrassing videos, where he sings original tunes he made up that are equal parts lonely, horny, and smug.The general gist of Sakars’ performances are that you can only make love to him if you’re a vegan, which is fine by me. In fact, I’m going to smear my body with bacon grease before I leave the house today, just in case. If all this made you crave a hamburger with beef patties instead of buns, you’re not alone. These people are the best advertisements for carnivores anywhere. Freelee shows you her unconventional toilet technique. If you eat 30+ bananas a day, you might have some problems with this.<><>last_img

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